Well. What can I say. How long has it been?? Too long.
A lot has been happening-so much so I don’t even know where to begin. This chapter has been titled, untitled, re written, deleted-ended.
Nothing felt right. Until today.
You see, a few weeks ago, I got up as normal, got dressed, fluffed my crimped hair up, and for once I thought I’m not wearing a big dress to go out today-I put on my hippy trousers and top, went into my bathroom to put my slap on, and there looking back at me-almost like a ghost, I saw…..ME. I saw Jane.
It really really took me a minute-too digest what I saw…..”hello jane” I muttered and smiled as I reached for my concealer.
I haven’t got mad…it’s just….since this bullshit of an illness started-well more so since the TM attack, I have made SO much effort and used SO much energy to look like “me” again-to look good and well.
To be honest, I am exhausted of fighting, tired of wearing a mask to society. Tired of wearing things to which now sadden me as some hold a lot of pain-as I fought to feel good when I saw myself in a mirror-to feel feminine.
I have spent months fighting my weight-meds have changed again-and I feel better!!
I have finally got my sparkle back, when I take selfie’s now or see pics of me, I look happy-because I feel it.
I am still getting comments on how well I look!
When I am tired…I stomp I don’t walk, I crave carbs, I’ve knocked coffee on the head! Except for the odd costa latte, so tea water n carbs.
Bathroom scales…slimming world…weight watchers…the mind boggles….I’m just not 10000000% there.
My hair has grown loads now, and its wavy again, stretch marks have nearly gone.
Life is good.
Am I ready to try jeans again?? And drop more of the big dresses which now drown me? And keep some for fun and when I want to wear them-not to hide behind.
Here’s to the future.