Converse…and insoles..

So converse aren’t that great for your feet-

 

This dear readers is a blog post that I started writing in November 2018…ans we all know what jolly happened then don’t we…

Why did I stop writing this one?

Simple answer: it was too bloody painful.

So…on a lighter note! This is how I am feeling at the moment. Hehe.

I do actually feel better in myself and feel happy, and content.

Next week I am having my extensions out…I first had them put in last year approx 2 weeks before I started to relapse. To have them taken out almost feels cathartic.

Current hair…it wasn’t cheap…but….it’s not like looking at me in the mirror…I don’t know…it’s like I see the ill.me from 2014/2015…I will add some pics…

 

Then….something exciting happened recently…

This face appareed and is appearing in the latest NMO UK charity magazine with an article I wrote about my blooging and my Youtube channel not much ordinary NMO!

So brown hair came after unicorn my little pony hair…

On the inside and most likely the faces I pull the most are…

Hheheee looking forward to getting back to look more like “my normal”.

I am sure my work colleagues have seen this face a few times lol.

So.

Extensions. Moon face. Moon face wkll go eventually when I am off the bloody steroids, and extensions are going next week…brown hair will go shortly after.

Time to let go mentally of the last few months and look forward to the future.

 

Box life…

So what happens when you find yourself being packaged up and put into a box?

Metaphorically I mean-lol

Although…the thought of popping a shit load of bubble wrap does sound rather fun! I mean, who doesn’t love bubble wrap?

Or….is that too much…oohhhh packing peanuts!! Heehee why are they called peanuts any way?

For the love of god…pleaseeeee do not wrap FRAGILE tape around me…which leads me onto my blog post.

So.

Just recently a few things have happened where I am starting to feel I have been plopped into a “sick and disabled box” weather I like it or not.

For those of you who know me….I am sure you will know already this has not gone down well. For my lovely regular readers….I am sure you understand this too…

At other times being in a “box” can be quite useful, parking with a blue badge for example is enourmously helpful with being able to get it and out of a car comfortably and not having as far too walk to e.g a shop.

Sure some days it might be easier than others, but after having a plonk round a few shops I am always greatful my car is not the other side of a car park slammed up another car trying to twist my back to get into it.

I went car shopping with C and J the other day, I tried sitting in a bright red new style sport fiesta…with…bucket seats….J thought it was amazing because it was his favourite colour..red. I also thought it was lovely…until…..I tried to get out…there’s nothing quite like trying to look dignified scrambling out of a car saying “errr no…” and yes I did laugh quite a lot.

C suggested trying a few other styles pf car and needless to say cars with a higher seating position were better…and no…I didn’t get stuck….I have however taking a shine to Nissan Juke’s!

It’s almost 5 months now since my relapse in Novemner 2018, I think I have gone through the process of shock, anger, frustration, upset, positivity, negativity, viewing myself differently.

What I hope, and what I feel like even more recently, is I feel like me again, I haven’t lost sight of myself.

So here’s to the next 5 months…

Come alive…come alive…

So that was it.

I was back at work and it fet like no time had passed. It was like I had just been off on holiday for a week.

I was feeling quite anxious before I went back, although I no need to be.

So work so far is all good.

Things were changing in my personal life too, or not things..me.

This sought of….fog…cleared…or  I should say has recently cleared.

It’s like…that was then and this is now…I am back feeling like I was before I got ill. Not physically…but getting there…but mentally…yes.

I just feel…at peace with myself.

New meds seem to be suiting! hurrah! Something else also happened….

I love this outfit, I love my bridesmaid sash, I like my extensions, I had a super day and most importantly my best friend did.

But…that face…the smile is genuine…but for me I felt like I was staring back at 2015 moon face.

I faced the scales and that also echoed what I was feeling.

No more. Not again.

Fast forward 4 weeks and….

1 stone 2 1bs down and counting and I am so happy.

Sometimes the battle is with pain, sometimes with medication, sometimes mentally.

Sometimes the battle is with ourselves. How we feel, how we see ourselves.

I never ever want to see those numbers on scales again.

I don’t ever want to feel like that again that all I could see was steroids.

So.

Here’s to health, happiness, not hiding and being yourself.

I feel like I have come alive, that the future is exciting and I don’t have to be that size any more.

That life is back to normal and so far 2019 you’re shaping up to be quite good!

Do what makes you happy, be kind to yourself and never give up.